Dear Problem Ladies

I am a fictional knitter*, but my problem is all too real. Here's what I want to know: Why does my stockinette stitch look all ridgy and corrugated, like a stretch of freeway that's being resurfaced? Do you even know what I am talking about? Is this something knitters have all agreed not to mention? Is it unspeakable? Am I untouchable?
Crinkled in Cleveland
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Dear Problem Ladies,

The other day I finally finished my Baltic Trifecta Shawl. With its extra nupps and its rare braids, I was superstoked to wear it in public for the first time. I put on a fresh pair of khakis, a white t-shirt, a pair of handknit socks (in the sadly discontinued Grateful Dyed colorway), and some other handknits I can't quite recall at the moment. I wrapped my Baltic Trifecta around my shoulders and fastened it with a shawl pin that I had scored by jumping over several fellow fiber fiends at Llamafest '06. The look: in a word, fierce.

You must be wondering, what could possibly be the problem? Dealing with the envy? The wolf whistles from hotblooded construction workers (at least the Latvian ones)? No, it's the most confounding thing: my kids refused to be seen at the mall with me. How can I improve the taste of my benighted offspring?
All Decked Out in Secaucus
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